“Friends with Benefits” vs. Dating

For the uninitiated, "friends with benefits" is a popular term to describe friends or acquaintances who “hook up”. Hooking up is a convenient way to describe all varieties of sexual encounters, wiping away the traditional “1st base/2nd base” clarity. The friends involved might be bosom buddies, or only minor acquaintances. They might be an ex-couple still sharing a physical relationship, or a pair who'd never met before deciding to hook up.

How these situations begin often determines how they will proceed: whether it's a one-time event, a frequently recurring appointment, or anything in between. “One night stands” have always taken place, but this is a little different. Friends with benefits is a frightening concept for a lot of adults to comprehend. It is implied that hooking up is any form of sexual contact that could range from kissing to intercourse, without an emotional commitment. Among the sexual activities included is oral sex, which has increased in popularity among young teenagers.

Many youth state oral sex is not considered "sex", and consider it a lot less intimate, or risky, than sexual intercourse. This activity is most frequently occurring in male receiving from female scenarios.

Most volunteers and staff at West Suburban Teen Clinic have heard firsthand about "friends with benefits". It is pretty shocking to have young girls, standing in a group of 2-3 friends, openly and casually discussing the fact that the same boy they’ve all "hooked up" with gave them chlamydia, a common sexually transmitted infection. This trend suggests it’s okay in this teen culture to share partners.

"...this wasn't supposed to
happen to me..."
- female client

Many of our young clients describe the fun they have in these casual, sexual encounters, because there’s no commitment or stress that comes with a "serious" relationship. Many other clients describe how "friends with benefits" doesn’t always work out very well, because one of the partners may develop feelings that lead to someone getting hurt.

Dating is quickly being considered an old fashioned behavior in today’s culture of young people. A study by the Independent Women’s Forum, at Boston University, found that students rarely go on dates, anymore. The actual courtship behavior of one person asking another to go to dinner and a movie has decreased dramatically. They are actually trying to push for a "Take Back the Date" campus initiative. They’d like to remind people about the importance of developing close and trusting relationships, before taking the risk of sexual activities.

At West Suburban Teen Clinic we address these issues with individual and outreach education visits. Nurses and educators discuss healthy relationships; emotional & physical health; what is abstinence versus sexual activity; protection from unplanned pregnancies; sexually transmitted infections; and more. WSTC educators spend a lot of time reminding parents about their important role in teaching their children about sexuality and decision making skills. People need accurate information and a place to turn for help when addressing these issues.