Tool Kit

• Help a teen identify what he/she wants to do “in the future” (i.e. this week, next month or year, and beyond). Discuss how consequences from certain behavior choices might affect these hopes and dreams.
• Frequently share your values and expectations about what behaviors you consider acceptable or not.
• Make an effort to stay connected with your teen. This could be in short bits of time, i.e. sharing a meal/snack, taking a walk, playing a card game, etc.
• Ask your teen to teach you about growing up in today’s world. They like to be the “expert”.
• Care about what your teen’s friends are doing because they do.
• Try not to yell. Listen, don’t preach. Tell your teen you care.
• Positively reinforce anything you can- every little bit counts. For example, you could say “I really appreciate how you helped the neighbor get her newspaper out of the bushes. That was a very nice thing to do.”

• Share your family values: You can never say them enough. Make a list by your dining room table and review it at meals.
   
• Provide age appropriate and accurate information: Consider what they already know and build on this knowledge. If you ignore talking about certain things, they learn not to ask questions.
   
• Role model: What are your behaviors and actions teaching your child? Remember, young children learn a lot about their world through observation. They imitate what they see. Set realistic boundaries: Be clear about expectations. Let your child know there are rules that are not flexible, while some may be negotiable as they get older.
   
• Share meals: Research proves over and over again that children who eat with their families at least 5 times a week tend to make safer choices as they grow into their teen years.
   
• Positively reinforce behaviors: Anytime you can find an example to let your child know they made a good decision, builds self esteem and lets them know that they are capable people.
   
• Allow your child to fail: This might sound harsh, but letting your child try something and not have it work out is a very important life lesson. Help them learn from their mistakes. Parents will not be around to pick up the pieces when they’re older.
   
• Stay connected: Find activities and traditions your family enjoys to do together.

• Know about possible signs of teen substance use.
• Set up a family rule about adults monitoring where children and teens hang out.
• Be a responsible adult chaperone yourself.  i.e. make house rules clear, check in with the young people who are hanging out (bring them snacks!) and don’t allow backpacks/ other container items that could sneak in chemicals.
• Let your young person know you need to know his/her where-abouts and how this is expected to be communicated.
• Stay connected to children through shared activities and time spent together- even when it’s brief, it matters a lot (i.e. mealtime, car rides, game night, etc).
• Offer to be a “scapegoat” or excuse for your child to get out of a possible sticky situation i.e. My dad will ground me for life if I do that.
• Discuss a plan in case a child is ever in a situation that threatens his/her safety. i.e. determine a “code” word that signals he/she needs to be picked up immediately, no questions asked until there can be a calm and caring discussion regarding the situation.
• Determine consequences ahead of time with your child. If a rule gets broken he/she knows what to expect and has ownership of the outcome.
• Be awake and interact with your children when they come home.
• Positively reinforce any good choices your child makes.

• Reaffirm your child that you love him/her.
• If you feel confused, talk to other people who have been through this- see PFLAG resource below.
• Learn more about how to support to your LGBTQ child.
• Be honest to yourself and your child- share what you’re feeling

• Initiate conversations. Don’t wait for questions. Take advantage of teachable moments. Role model responsible behaviors and use. How much screen time do you engage in? Do you text message and drive? Remember, children are always watching.

• Share your values and expectations clearly and frequently. What is a key message you’d like your child to understand about technology?

• Keep the computer in a public place where the screen can be seen by anyone who walks by.
   
• Remind children the internet is not a safe place to “talk to strangers”. It’s the same message, just a different neighborhood than where parents grew up.
   
• Demonstrate how anything placed in cyber world is permanent, including texts, photos, videos, etc. Reputations are at stake here.
   
• Teach young people to never impersonate someone else. They should understand how easy this is for others to do. Can you really trust what strangers say or post as photos?
   
• Discuss healthy relationships. Teach your child how to effectively communicate with people. While texting or IMing may be the most popular technique, it’s important to actually talk to people and LISTEN to their voices and watch their body language to really learn what another person is really trying to say.
   
• Talk about cyberbullying. Sexting, or posting explicit sexual messages, videos or photos by mobile phone is a harassing behavior and is against the law in some states. If someone receives harassing messages, these need to be reported to a parent as soon as possible.
   
• Be clear and consistent about what internet sites are allowed or not. Set up consequences with the child should these rules be ignored. This is similar to the message “stay close to home”.
   
• Set limits on time spent in front of screens. Recent studies show children and teens spend up to 44 hours per week in front of screens- more than a full time job.
   
• Know who your child “hangs out with”. Pay attention to “friends” online and how much phone calling/texting is occurring (easily done on cell phone bills). This is not about “trust” as a teen would say, but it’s about SAFETY and being a parent. It’s a parent’s job to know who his/her child spends time with.

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